The Unknown
by sez101
Summary: Sometimes it isn't what happens offworld that scares you the most


Sam had opted out of the shower on base in favour of a long bath at home, after 3days on a wet planet, covered in mud she figured she deserved it, she lay in the bath letting the water soak her aching muscles,

She moved the flannel across her breast stopping when she felt pain, gasping she felt around the area, she swallowed her mouth was dry, there was a lump she felt round to confirm it but was left with no doubt, instant dread filled her heart, her logical side told her it was nothing but a persistent nagging voice kept repeating the word Cancer through her mind again and again echoing, she felt it again, it was defiantly there she wasn't imagining it,

Quickly she finishing washing and got out of the bath instinctively wearing her old comfy sweats that gave her a sense of security, she sat on the edge of the bed and reached for the phone her hand shaking a few tears escaping

Cancer, death, chemo, she was too young to die were the thoughts going through her mind

She wiped them away air force Captains didn't cry unfortunately her eyes didn't listen the fear taking over as she sobbed on the bed.

She paused her hand still resting on the phone as she considered who to dial, instinctively she wanted to call her mum as any child does when they get ill, unfortunately she couldn't, her second option was her dad who was currently somewhere in the universe, and from her experience with the Tokra she knew they wouldn't tell her where he was anyway she sobbed again at her lack of family would anyone noticed if she died would anyone care who would attend her funeral would anyone? She pulled herself back to reality looking again at the phone,

She considered Sg1 but knew how protective they were, they were like brothers and she didn't want to worry them just yet especially as it was probably just nothing that was it she told herself just nothing she ignored the doubt, it was nothing, nothing, she repeated nothing. Part of her felt stupid for worrying so much about nothing it was probably a cist or something other than cancer, something other than cancer she repeated,

She knew Janet would need to know anyway, so she dialled Janet's number her best friend and trusted confident,

"Hello Janet Frasier can I help?" the cheery voce answered on the other end, Sam took a deep breath trying to form the words

"It's me Sam, can I come over I need to talk I understand if your busy but I need to talk to a friend" Sam said desperately wanting to talk but wanting to give Janet an out if she was busy, Janet detected something in her friends voice a slight shaking, unusual with the desperate need to see her, she was concerned and knew Sam would hate to be a bother

"Yes sure, is everything ok?" She asked worriedly

"I don't know" Sam admitted breaking down tears escaping and running down her face wiping them away furiously

"Honey its okay, I'll get some wine out and we can talk" Janet told her hearing Sam's voice break, now Janet was really worried Sam rarely cried and when she did normally it was because someone had died, or was dying, little did she know how close to the mark she was

"Ok" Sam sobbed

Sam hung up the phone and got her car keys leaving everything behind her: the only thought was to see Janet, who would tell her it was nothing and move on with her life.

5 minutes later she was at Janet's her friend immediately opened the door suggesting she had been waiting at the window and hugged her, seeing her red eyes she knew Sam had been crying on the phone and the way over as well

"Come in and sit down"

Sam followed the order, her hands bounced off her knees in a nervous gesture while she ran through what she was going to say again

"So what's wrong?" Janet asked Sam looked up from the floor where her gaze had been resting

"I found a lump in my breast" Sam broke down again saying it out loud had shaken her making the whole thing more real,

"When?" her voice is professional, but sympathetic as she moved closer sitting Sam down, knowing platitudes wouldn't help but a definitive No would!

"Not long ago, when I was in the bath" Sam answered looking into Janet's eyes to judge her reaction as to how serious it was, however Janet was in doctor mode giving nothing away,

"Ok let me get my kit and I'll have a look" Janet got up, Sam waited watching her carefully trying to read her body language looking for any sign

"Thanks"

Sam sat back on the sofa, worried but also slightly relieved that someone else knew, hopefully a few tests and Janet would turn round and tell her it was nothing

"First bloods"

Sam rolled up her jumper, then willingly held out her arm only wincing slightly when the needle went in,

"Ok now I need to have a feel" Janet asked aware her friend may be embarrassed even though she had seen it before it was always in a clinical setting rather that her own lounge, Sam however was less bothered trusting her friend and wanting to know an answer,

"Sure," She lifted her top off and removed her bra, then raised her arms to allow Janet better access, Janet carefully felt both breasts getting Sam to move her arms watching her face for and signs of pain

"Yes there is defiantly a large lump only 1 though; I want a mammogram and maybe an ultrasound tomorrow at the academy hospital I'll clear it with Hammond"

"Do you think it is serious?" Sam asked needing to know but dreading the answer, a small part of her brain insisting she had cancer as revenge for all the hateful acts she had ever done, all the Jaffa she had ever killed, all the innocent people she had bombed or murdered, she had told herself that it was necessary it was a war but they still haunted her, maybe this was God's way of getting revenge, Janet put her hand on Sam's arm to bring her out of her thoughts

"I'd be lying to say no Sam, it could be harmless a cyst or well anything but there is the possibility it could be cancer, so we need to rule it out, ultimately we may need to do a fine needle biopsy, it's rare in someone your age but I am worried about the texture it I think its important to remember it could be a cist or benign lump." Janet said, knowing her friend would hate her more if she lied and it was positive, Sam looked at her eyes filling with tears

"Cancer" she whispered as if she had never heard the word before, but it was the first time she had heard it allowed,

"Sam it is really rare and I need to stress really rare in someone of your age but it does happen, the odds are about 1 in 1,900 yours are slightly higher due to your exposure to radiation and we don't know the effects of gate travel"

Sam nodded remembering the mission when Daniel had disappeared and the others were exposed to radiation while she hadn't been affected any longer she had been affected the worst going down first and waking up last

"However you exercise regularly and eat a fairly good diet when you eat, are underweight still so they are in your favour" Janet emphasised the underweight and diet as Sam blushed knowing she should eat better but always forgot,

"Now have you got any relatives who have had breast cancer?" Janet asked standing up and grabbing a piece of paper to make notes

"Not that I know of but mum died early, and she didn't have any sister I never knew my Nan" Sam told her voice shaking talking about her mums death always got her slightly upset

"That's a good sign too" Janet got the phone

"Need to make some phone calls wait here" she left Sam could hear her voice mentioning tests and then phoning Hammond to inform him Sam was off tomorrow for health checks, then telling him it was nothing at the moment and he would be informed if it became serious

"Ok Sam I've arranged it, do you want to stay here tonight?" Janet asked thinking her friend shouldn't be alone worrying, Sam nodded for the same reason wanting to be with somebody who knew and could offer comfort

"I'll take you to the hospital, Hammond said we could both have the day off, your team will debrief Hammond"

Sam started to giggle having images of the removing Hammonds briefs even though it was immature Sam was feeling like some light relief, Janet looked at her then realised what she said

"Not like that I mean eugh," She said horrified at the mental image, Sam laughed even more making Janet grin lightening the atmosphere,

"Sorry I just couldn't help it" Sam said wiping a tear, Janet looked at the clock

"We should head to bed" Janet said thinking of the early start and likely stress of the day, Sam nodded

"Sam whatever happens you won't be alone" Janet promised

"Thanks" Sam said allowing herself to be led upstairs to the spare room, she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep but she would at least let Janet get some rest, Janet meanwhile knew Sam wouldn't sleep she knew her friend struggled at the best of times with all this weighing down n her mind Janet knew Sam would spend all night worrying

"Sam do you want something to help you sleep?" she asked, Sam turned her blue eyes indicating surprise, Janet just smiled in answer to the unspoken question of how did you know,

"Um ok" Sam replied knowing as well as Janet did she would need her sleep, Janet managed to hide her surprise she expected Sam to refuse she normally did instead getting her medical bag preparing the sedative then waiting till Sam was comfortable she injecting it into her arm, waiting till she was asleep before leaving to go to her own room saying a prayer to any God that Sam would be ok.

Sam awoke first the next morning the fact she was in Janet's guest room was not helping her dream theory she hesitantly reached under her sweats top it was still there Sam fought back a sob instead getting up putting on some shoes and going for a run like somehow pounding the hell out of the ground would make it disappear, tears streaming down her face as she did using the run as a way of punishing herself her body who had betrayed her,

She had been running for ages she didn't have a watch she just knew her legs had gone wobbly and she should stop the choice was taken away as suddenly she felt weightless then pain she rolled onto her back both her knees were bleeding as was the palms of her hands that she had instinctively put down to break her fall, wincing she stood up feeling like she needed to limp but both legs ached, she looked round gaining her bearings if she took a short cut she would be back at Janet's within 10 minutes

Janet looked out of the front window she had heard the door bang close over 1 hour ago, a quick look in the guest room proved it was Sam now she was waiting for her to return eventually she saw a figure walking down waiting till it got closer she realised it was Sam and she was bleeding worriedly she ran out

"Are you ok?" She asked critically analysing her patient and friend, seeing only 2 grazed knees

"Yeh" Sam answered ignoring Janet's look of disbelief

"Right take a shower then I will dress your wound" Janet ordered, worryingly Sam did so without arguing her whole body numb

"Sam you ok?" Janet asked stopping her

"I don't know" She answered, Janet hugged her not worrying about getting wet knowing her friends comfort was more important,

"I'm gonna go for that shower" she muttered blushing red, pulling away embarrassed by her emotions she hadn't been this upset since her mum died somehow this was different this was her life, her body like somehow by having a lump it had done it on purpose to punish her for all the stress, maybe she deserved it was it fate or some God's will had the Gould done it somehow, would the Tok'ra be able to correct it or the Asguard, or was it nothing was she over reacting to nothing all these thought fighting for control. She finished the shower

Meanwhile Janet got out some large sweats for her friend to change into, Sam did and sat in the kitchen as Janet carefully cleaned it and put a dressing on it

"Sam if we leave now we have time to pop by yours" Sam took a deep breath to calm her nerves

"Ok, and thanks Janet" she said sincerely

"Anytime Sam" Janet replied taking her hand and leading her to her own car figuring Sam was way too distracted to drive plus the day would take its toll on her, they arrived at Sam's house she went in changing into a red top and blue jeans, joining Janet back in the car

"You were quick" she commented

"I want to get this over with," Sam answered nervously,

They drove to the hospital arriving Janet took charge leading Sam to the breast unit where she checked her in

"This way" a young nurse announced leading Sam into a small room to change into a gown where they took a mammogram; Sam was then led out to the waiting room where her and Janet sat anxiously, despite it normally taking longer for the results Janet had called in a favour, the specialist came out coming straight over to them taking them into a private room,

"I have the results the lump is solid, this means it's not likely to be a cist therefore we will have to do a fine needle biopsy," Sam nodded calmly taking in the news Janet held her hand squeezing it reassuringly,

"When can it be done?" Sam asked glancing between Janet and the specialist, he looked at Janet to confirm she could do it,

"We can do it today" Janet offered, Sam nodded nervously

"Right I will clear it with Hammond, Dr Raymore will arrange it, we can do it in about an hour" Janet told her

"And when will we know?" Sam asked her voice trembling

"I because it is a fine needle aspiration it can be as little as 3hours" Janet said gripping her hand, Dr Raymore stood up

"Captain, 80 of biopsy's come back negative" he said trying to reassure her, Sam stood up trying to remain calm, she offered her hand he accepted,

"Thank you" She said genuinely

"It's a pleasure" he walked out, Sam sat numbly on the sofa Janet hugging her from the side

"Why Jan? Why?" Sam asked her voice sounding lost; she stood up angrily pacing the small office, muttering unsavoury words under her breath, then she kicked the bin and pounded the wall until she felt Janet's hand on her shoulder, the simple act leaving her sapped of energy she sank down against the wall holding her head, Janet knelt down beside her hugging her, Sam put her arms around her holding on

They held each other for what seemed like an age just waiting until a knock at the door ended Sam's crying as she hurriedly wiped her eyes turning away from the door unprepared to let a stranger see her cry, Janet got the hint going to the door opening it slightly so she could talk to the young nurse shutting the door she went back over to Sam

"They are ready for you" she said, Sam nodded taking deep breaths

"Take your time" Janet said, Sam nodded taking a final deep breath and standing up

"I'm ready" she said her voice firm, lying on the bed as Janet performed the procedure, Sam keeping her emotions tight to her chest, a nurse kept her hand on Sam's arm, it was surprisingly quick for something so life changing, one simple test to decide if her life would change would she be fighting a minuscule foe that she couldn't even see, she still couldn't believe it surely there should be pain, aches some other symptom other than a lump, would she have travelled to other planets fought "Gods" and won and now she may lose all that to herself, to cancer, the thought was scary, belatedly Sam realised they were done the samples had been taken, Janet was talking to her she forced herself to listen

"So now we wait" Sam dressed nervously gripping Janet's hand, a technician arrived with the piece of paper giving it too Janet who read the results, then read them again to be sure, eventually she looked up tears glistening in her eyes, Sam gripped her hand fear resting firmly in her heart

"Its positive isn't it" she asked,

Slowly Janet shook her head, laughing with ecstatic relief

"No" she managed to say watching as Sam's face lit up with a similar smile, hugging her swinging her round

"Its negative" She double checked, Janet nodded, Sam let out a whoop of joy until her face fell

"I was so sure" she muttered more to herself than Janet, she sat down against the wall

"Its negative" she repeated all her emotions crashing down, she felt exhausted the last 24 hours really tiring her out, Janet sat beside her

"So that's it all that stress for nothing, if I hadn't of said anything I would have never had gone through all this" Sam said wishing she had kept quiet

"But you would be worrying" Janet reminded her

"I guess, so now everything goes back to normal" Sam said unable to believe that was it,

"Yes" Janet answered, hugging her friend, Sam shook her head

"Want to go out dinner my treat as a way of saying thanks" She asked her best friend, doctor and trusted colleague

"Sure" Janet agreed taking Sam's arm and walking out of the hospital, clear of cancer.

AN

This was written for all those that go through the scary process of being tested for cancer, even thought often the result is negative the emotional rollercoaster takes its toll, even more so if it is positive. I tried to write Sam in character but drew on my own experiences, some of the medical bit may be wrong and I apologise for that,

To anyone who is going through it you aren't alone.


End file.
